ABC's about me...

I saw this cute idea from another blog. They did a list of things they liked about themselves or things about themselves that are positive or things in their lives that are positive by using the alphabet...let's see just how hard this is. Talking about myself isn't something I'm good at. I hate to admit it, but I have low...low self esteem. :( Mike always tells me that he loves me and would never change anything about me...except the way I think about myself. I want to beleive him when he tells me how amazing I am and how gorgeous I am...but for some reason I just don't see it. I think I'm a nice person...that counts right? :)



A - I like to consider myself "Artsie". I'm no professional by any means but I think I do ok. I write poems, draw, make crafts, and style hair for weddings and dances. I have poems that date all the way back to when I was 8 years old. I even got one published back in 2003. I LOVE making crafts so much. That is usually what you get from me when you have a baby or get married...a homemade gift. Again, I'm no professional, but I love doing it so much. Doing hair has always been my "out". I cannot tell you how I feel when I see the face of the person getting her hair done when she looks in the mirror. To make someone feel so special and pretty by 1 hour of curling and spraying...is priceless.


B - I actually like my "Brunette" hair. Mike always tells me how he wishes I loved how I look more. He thinks that I am the most beautiful girl ever...and I have a hard time accepting that I could be in the beautiful catagory. One day he asked me "is there anything about yourself you think is pretty?" Of course my instant response was "NO!" Then he gave me that look...so I started to think. I looked in the mirror and happened to be having a "good" hair day. I said to him "my hair is pretty." He was in shock that I had said anything positive about my appearance. It really got me thinking about my hair. My hair isn't super healthy, nor is it as thick as it used to be before I had kids, but I actually like it. One of the nurses at my work in the surgical recovery room told me that I should start a blog JUST about my hair. I do it different every day and she said it always looks amazing. She is sweet.


C - Mike and I are talking about getting a smaller bed because I'm so "Cuddly". We have a Queen size bed and probably use 1/4 of it. When we sleep...we practically are 1 person. Thankfully he is cuddly too so we don't have a problem. :) But the thing is, I'm not just cuddly with him. I LOVE to cuddle with my friends. I love sitting on the couch under a blanket with my girls and watching a movie. I love hugging and always being next to someone. My kids are taking that on...they are also very cuddly and I love it! McHailee will always say "if I get ready for bed REALLY fast, can we cuddle for just 5 minutes before I have to go to bed?" I love her.


D - I love to Dance! My grandma always wanted to put me in dance since I was 4 but we couldn't afford it. She wanted me to be a ballerina more then anything. I started dancing in High School...but that was short lived. About 3 years ago, my friend Julie introduced me to a dance company called Dance Biz. She was just taking an adult hip hop class and told me to come try it out. I fell in LOVE with it. The owner, the teachers, the dancers...I love them all!


E - Entertaining guests is something I thrive on. I love to have parties! Baby showers, bridal showers, bday party's, or just get togethers. I love having all the people I love around me and having a good time with fun and food. Mike got me a chocolate fountain about 3 years ago for Mothers Day and I have more then gotten my moneys worth out of it. I pull that thing out every chance I get and everyone loves it.


F - People always tell me I'm Friendly. I have even had more then 1 person get mad at me for being TOO friendly. I am the Pharmacy Tech Student Supervisor at my work. My last student and I were walking around the hospital and I was saying hi to everyone we passed. Asking those who didn't work here if they needed help or anything. I knew everyone's name that passed (that work here) and he finally said "Wow...you are really friendly to people! I mean, you know everyone's name and if you don't you are helping them!" I just shrugged my shoulders cause it's just what I do. Then he jokingly said "What's wrong with you!?" lol. It feels so good to know just a hello to someone can make their day. Especially in a hospital. I work in the pharmacy and don't have much to do with the actual patients...but that doesn't mean I get to ignore them. I have seen many that work here just walk past patients in need. Even if they don't look like they need help I still check. How many times out of 10 do people actually claim they "need" help. I know I never say I need help when I could actually probably use some. I have helped people out of their cars, walk them to their cars, grab wheelchairs for people who look like they can't walk down the long hallway, stayed with patients just so they have company, etc. Being friendly means more to people then you know...until you do it. :)


G - If you are close to me, then you know that I am Gushy. Yes...gushy. I am always letting people know I love them and care for them. Maybe even too much sometimes. I will text my close friends at random times that I miss them or love them or that they are wonderful and beautiful. I'm even worse with Mike. I will curl up in his lap and gaze at him and just announce my love for him...daily! I know that if something were to ever happen to me, my friends will not wonder if I thought about them or loved them. They always know.


H - I have always been told I'm a "Hat" person. Apparently there are some who can wear hats and some who can't. I think everyone looks cute in hats! I have about 10 different hats and lately I get a new one every few months. I need to wear them more often though, I don't wear them as much as I would like to. Thanks to all those who have ever complimented me in my hats!


I - Ink! Yes I have "ink". I was 20 years old and had it was just me and my little man Remington. I was pretty much at the end of my rope at this time...slowly pulling myself and my son out of it....slowly. If it weren't for Remington, I don't really know what would have become of me. I love him so much. I decided to get his name on me for forever! I know there are tons of people who regret their tattoos but I will never regret mine. I do wish I had done different colors though. I love you Remington...you will always be my monkey!


J - I love my Job. In June I will have been here for 4 years. I admit, I have had my ups and downs working here, but I will take the few downs for all the amazing ups! On top of my job in the pharmacy, I am the President of the hospitals "Employee Engagement Committee". I help organize parties, functions, health fairs, charity work, and help better the hospital by solving problems that our employees see. I love it so much. In April, I organized a way to make Easter baskets for the homeless kids at the Road Home in Salt Lake. Our entire hospital donated enough to take the kids 47 baskets filled to the brims, 2 HUGE boxes of toys, stuffed animals, coloring books, reading books, etc., 2 HUGE boxes of extra candy, $45 in cash, and $114.00 in Wal Mart gift cards. Everyone here was so giving and generous. I wish I could have seen the kids faces. I feels so good to be able to be a part of that thanks to my job. I even got invited to be a guest at the Road Home breakfast at the Grand America Hotel this Wednesday, representing Alta View Hospital. So exciting!


K - My husband and I ALWAYS Kiss goodnight, hello, and goodbye. I lived with my grandma Iris growing up and she always made sure we hugged and kissed as much as we could. Always showing that affection to show she loved me. My kids have also taken on that same thing and won't leave with out a kiss. I love it. I am very big on affection and think a hug and a kiss means so much.


L - LUNCHTIME with my friends is something I cherish. You see movies and shows with old friends getting together for lunch all the time. I remember when I was younger how bad I wanted friends like that so I could do that. Now I do! It's so much fun and always makes me feel so good! Our usual spot is the Olive Garden. We have so many fun stories and memories that are shared and it's something that you can't replace.


M - There is nothing more meaningful then being able to be a Mother to my children. Sometimes I feel bad because I think about all the times I said "I will never be a mom or get married!" Now look at me! 2 kids of my own, 2 step kids, a husband, and wanting more kids! I will be the very first to admit that I am NOT the best mom in the world. I make mistakes and fumble along the way. BUT...I do know that I try my hardest every day to make sure my kids know I love them and they are safe. I must be doing something right...my kids are super happy! I really feel blessed to have them in my life. They make everything worth it. I love being their mommy!

Ok, so I made it to "M" for now. That has taken me 3 days! I will do the rest tomorrow...or within the next few days. Again...it's really hard to think of good things about me....but I'm trying! :)

I WANT THIS MORE THEN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW

Look how beautiful....... *sigh*

New swimsuit here I come...

27 lbs down!

Yep! I'm actually losing!! I started January 3rd and though I have seen some plateaus, I'm making it! Usually in past weight loss challenges I have given myself, I get frustrated or give up. This time, I'm giving my "bigger" clothes away so that I HAVE to stick with it. I'm fitting in some of my "skinny" clothes and it feels like I'm going shopping every month! I have given myself until the last day of May to be 45 lbs down. With only a month and a half to go...it's crunch time. I'm working out more and more this month. It's only 18 more lbs. The sucky part is that I have been at this 27 lbs for 2 weeks now. My longest plateau. BLAH! Just a hump to get over...and I know I can do it. Mike has been really supportive. He hasn't been doing it with me, but he has been good around me. He won't sit on the couch late at night and scarf down ice cream while I sit there and drool! lol.

Here's to 18 more lbs! I will have to get past this Easter! YIKES!

Why can't I blog?

Is it really that hard to come on here a couple times a week to put something on here? Apparently! I have been reading other blogs and think to myself, why can't I do this?? Why can't I blog normally like everyone else? I have had a couple close friends of mine start a blog or revamp their blogs and I love it! I think that I am going to do the same. I have a hard time keeping a journal. I started to write in it at night when Mike would be out of town. I would write things about my past and how I got to where I am today. I have written a lot and I think I might be at age 5! lol. I guess that's what you get with a crazy past. I have this friend who bases her posts off of subjects. Not just ranting, like I'm doing. She does a few rants, but mostly, they have themes to them. So, here is to me, and writing my "revamped" blog! :)

Biggest Loser....

Is anyone else in love with the biggest loser like I am? I watch it religiously. Usually when I watch it, it's on the couch eating ice cream or chips or some kind of candy or delicous fatty snack! And while that is happening I think ever time. "I need to do this! I need to lose weight and get on a program to get fit! Eh...I will start this Monday...yeah...this Monday!" So all week long I eat as much yummy food as I can and then come Monday...I don't start. About 2 years ago (before we started to try again for a baby) I did a program called Body For Life. I lost 17 lbs in 1 MONTH! that was it! 1 MONTH! We still havent' gotten pregnant almost 2 years later and my weight has fluctuated because of it. I took Clomid (fertility drug) and gained 23 lbs. I kept telling people I wasn't gaining because I was embarrassed. I figured I could get prego and blame the weight on the baby! Man was I wrong. I just don't feel comfortable in my skin anymore. Mike tells me how sexy I am all the time...and I beleive him...well, I want to beleive him. I just don't have the confidence about myself. So...last Monday I made sure I really started!! And I did! I am so proud of myself! I eat 1200 calories a day (certain foods-BFL gives you a list) making it 6 meals a day. I have to eat every 3 hours. I exercise 6 days a week alternating high intensity cardio with upper body and lower body weight training. I drink an average of 100 oz of water a day (and pee a lot! lol) Sunday is my "free day!" I can't go crazy wild but I can have foods not on the list but still keep it small portions and under 2000 calories. I'm only supposed to weigh myself once a week....but I did weigh myself this morning (I'm supposed to wait until Monday to weigh in) according to the scale I have already lost 6 lbs!! We will see if it is still that way on Monday. I'm really hoping to end up with a 30 lb weight loss. More would be nice, but 30 is my goal. I'm going to do this diet for 3 months. Since I lost 17 lbs in one month I figured I can try for 30 in 3 months. I know it's only been 5 days since I started but I'm feeling really good about it. :)
I also know I haven't posted in a while. I started keeping a journal at home. It was so hard to write in it and this. But I will try. :) Mike and I are in love more and more every day. (throw up right?) lol. Remington is the cutest sweetest 7 year old boy ever. He is currently playing Jr Jazz and has 2...yes 2 girlfriends! He got his first love note the other day. He was smitten...and it was cute! McHailee is the cutest little 15...I mean 3 year old you have ever seen! Well, cute except for her little attitude at times. She loves dancing, singing, and playing dress up. She always says to me, with the cutest little smile, "mom, we are smart and beautiful girls huh?" I love her so much. Mike is the boss at a company called Back Office of Real Property Management. He loves it there and is going to go really far with that company...I just know it. We soon will have our house to ourselves again. Our friends that we let move in our basement are moving after February. It will be nice to have our whole house back but at the same time I will miss them! :( Work is still work. I love my job and I am happy. That's all for now. Just a wee little update. :)

Weight loss challenge

So...I have been pretty unhappy about my current body...and weight. I know that I can start diets, but never follow through. So, I got a buddy from work to do a challenge with me! Now a few more are going to do it with us! The challenge is simply weight loss! 6 weeks is what we get. We will weigh in every week and put our numbers in. The person to have lost the most weight at the end of the 6 weeks get's lunch from all the other contestants! I'm so excited! I'm counting my food intake and going to the gym 5-6 times a week!! Here's to my hopefully 10-15 lb loss! :)

I'm married!

I finally have a husband! Mike graduated lastnight with his Masters! MBA with accounting emphasis. I couldn't be more proud of him. He has made SO many sacrifices to get to this point. Ever since we have met, he has been going to school full time and working full time. This will be the first time I will have him at home every night since I've known him! No more late nights at school until 11, and no more homework! I was going to go back right when he finished, but we decided to wait 1 year so that we could just rest together and be a family for a while! :) So I will start next summer. I'm excited it's my turn for school...yet scared at the same time.

Everything has been going good for us lately. Still trying to get pregnant! :) I don't think I posted the results of my Hysterosalpingogram yet. Wow...was it painful! Well...not like double over in pain painful, but really REALLY bad cramps painful. When they were blowing up the balloon in me, that didn't hurt as much as the dye being forced into my uterus! It was cool to watch it on the x-ray screen. So as my uterus is filling up with the dye, it's supposed to spill over into my fallopian tubes. Well...it didn't, it just sat there. The dr was like "uh..." And then finally, with more pressure of the dye, my fallopian tubes started filling up. The Radiologist said that something was obviously blocking BOTH of my tubes. (could have been scar tissue from my surgery from the pre cancer cells) But the dye cleared it out and he now upped our chance of conceiving another 20% for 3 months....taking the originaly chance from 20% to 40%! He also told me that 80% of women that have this procedure done get pregnant that next month or the month after! So hopefully I will have some good news in a couple of weeks! :) I'm optimistic!

Remy has recovered from surgery very well. His belly looks so weird where they made the incision. It's cool cause you can feel the stitches that are inside. He is back to playing and running around and being crazy! I actually think he is MORE crazy then ever! I sure do love him.

McHailee still won't potty train. It sucks cause she is so smart and I know she knows what to do, she just is scared. She cries the WHOLE time she sits on the toilet. I guess she will just do it when she is emotionally ready? It's just so frustrating!

I am so tired today. I'm working a 12 hour shift today after being up until after 1 am lastnight. BLAH! At least I get to work with Erica! :) You would think I would have more to write on here after not posting for forever! If I think of something later...I will get back on! :)